


Because I love you

by kyjr



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance, some non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 04:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyjr/pseuds/kyjr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> Nishikido Ryo and Ueda Tatsuya have been friends for years, and they would do anything for each other. Ueda trusts Ryo completely, but Ryo has a secret - he's in love with Ueda. So when something terrible happens to Ueda, Ryo is the only person who can help him overcome it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I love you

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://kyjr.livejournal.com/10661.html) and [here](http://kingdom-lights.livejournal.com/5330.html#cutid1)

Nishikido Ryo sat on the floor, papers and thick text books lying around him, vast amounts of text upon their pages. Ryo scratched his head, sighing before putting pen to paper halfheartedly and scribbling something unintelligible. "That'll do," Ryo muttered, throwing the pen down and leaning against the couch behind him. "Stupid essays... stupid university..."

He was still glaring angrily at the papers when his doorbell rang. "If your name is Ueda Tatsuya, come in," he said, without looking up.

The door creaked open, and a copper-haired man peeked in. "Hey," he said, walking in and closing the door again.

"Why do you always do that? You know I'm gonna be home. Just walk in," Ryo said, casting a look over at the other before going back to staring at his papers.

"It makes me feel special," Ueda said, setting his bag down upon the couch and ruffling Ryo's hair. He walked into the kitchen, barefoot. "Cause I know you don't ask anyone else to 'just walk in.'"

Ryo smirked, fixing his hair. Ueda had been his friend for years, and was his constant source of inspiration - not that he would tell him. Ueda had grown from a lanky, awkward-haired boy into someone who, quite frankly, was breath-taking.

Nishikido Ryo was in love with Ueda Tatsuya.

He could never _tell_ the other though - he was too shy for that. So he'd kept it a secret, revelling in the soft touches and little smiles that the other would give him, making his stomach flip upon itself.

Ueda interrupted his musings as he sat next to him, a cup of coffee in his hands. "Where's mine?" Ryo asked, and Ueda shrugged.

"Get your own," he said, and smiled widely, blowing the steam off the top.

"You're such a bad influence," Ryo retorted, going back to his paper.

"What're you studying?" the other asked, lifting a text book into his lap.

"I'm finishing off that history assignment."

"The Tutankhamun one?"

"Yeah."

"The one that I finished three weeks ago?"

"That's the one."

"The one that's due tomorrow?"

"Yes, Tatsuya, now shut it."

Ueda laughed, setting the text book down and watching Ryo. "You've only done a few paragraphs."

"Yes, I can see that, thankyou."

"And what you've written here is wrong, there were two--"

_"What did you want, again?"_

Ueda's face lit up, and he leant back against the couch. "I've got a date," he said, wiggling his feet.

"Oh," Ryo murmured, pretending to read his essay over, but in fact hiding his face from Ueda. The other didn't notice. "With who?"

"Tanaka Koki," Ueda replied shyly, looking up at the ceiling and swaying to a song only he could hear.

"Tanaka Koki? The one from the soccer club?" Nishikido asked, trying to picture the other. His name was familiar, but he couldn't remember his face.

"No, he's from the science department," Ueda answered, sipping at his coffee and making a face. "Ah, forgot the sugar..."

"Here, I'll have it, then," Ryo said, and Ueda passed him the cup. "Thanks. So, this Tanaka guy - why are you going out with him?"

"He seems nice. Well, at first I was a little scared by him, but--"

"Why are you--"

"Look, he gave me a flower," Ueda said, and dug around in his bag, eventually producing the rather scrunched, yellow flower. Ryo sighed, taking it from him and twirling it between his fingers.

"He gave you a flower?" Ryo asked, exasperatedly. "That's all it takes for you to go on a date with someone?" Ryo loved Ueda, but he was incredibly naive sometimes. Ueda took the flower back, placing it into his bag once again.

"Well, not really."

"You're strange."

"Yeah, but you're friends with me."

"Stop holding that against me."

 

>>><<<

 

Tanaka Koki, Ryo remembered later, was the kind of guy you did not want your best friend going out with. He was the type of guy you didn't want _anyone_ going out with.

He had a broad face, with dark facial hair and thin eyebrows. His hair was wild, and it seemed as though he hadn't bothered to brush it; it was slightly wavy, causing it to stick out at odd angles. Tanaka walked with a swagger, all bow-legged and with an attitude that screamed 'I don't give a damn.' He looked upon the rest of the world as though they were below him.

"He seems _sweet_?" Ryo whispered to Ueda at lunch. "Have you been looking at the same guy I have?"

"Yes," Ueda answered, smiling shyly as Tanaka caught his eye and ducking his head. Ryo snorted. "What?"

"Nothing. Just... you know my number, right?" Ryo asked, trying to sound casual as he checked his phone for Ueda's own number.

Ueda sighed. "Yes, mother," he said, checking his watch before quickly stuffing the rest of his salad into his mouth. At Ryo's slightly bewildered look, he mumbled, "Music," around some lettuce, rushing off without another word. Ryo laughed.

Ueda's date was that night, and Ryo knew that Ueda would stop over at his place afterwards, to tell him all about how it went. Ryo would nod and smile, making the appropriate noises in the appropriate spots, and then hug Ueda goodbye. If a date went badly, he would simply sit next to him, making sure the other knew he was there. Ueda would always smile and thank him, pressing a hand against Ryo's cheek before leaving.

It sounded terrible to admit, but Ryo liked those times the most.

Ryo saw Tanaka check his own watch, and excuse himself, walking off in the opposite direction as Ueda.

 

>>><<<

 

The date went well, apparently. Ueda spoke of how nervous they had both been, even if they were only walking together. Tanaka had taken his hand, and they had fit so well together, and Tanaka - sorry, Koki - had this soft look in his eyes, and he really isn't as bad as you think he is, Ryo.

"Whatever," Ryo mumbled, staring into his late dinner rather than having to look at Ueda's bright eyes. It hurt to hear him talk about someone else.

"Not _'whatever'_ ," Ueda pressed on, stealing a carrot from Ryo's plate and chewing on the end. "He's quite sweet, actually. We went to a park - you know, the one down the road? - and ate icecream."

"Okay."

"Ryo, what is _wrong_ with you?" Ueda suddenly snapped, twisting himself on the couch and looking at the other.

"Nothing."

"Don't you lie to me, Nishikido Ryo," Ueda said, trying to catch Ryo's eye.

"Fine," Ryo huffed. "I don't like him. I don't like the way he dresses, the way he talks, the way he walks. I don't like him."

It was Ueda's turn to sigh. "You haven't even spoken to him. How do you know you don't like him?"

"I just don't. I don't trust him. Please, Tatsuya, don't tell me you agreed to a second date."

Ueda averted his gaze. "I'm sorry... but I like him. Just wait, you'll see." Ueda then looked up at Ryo, with this pleading look, and Ryo knew he couldn't say anything else. He was ruining the night for Ueda.

"What flavour icecream did you two eat?"

 

>>><<<

 

"So Tutankhamun was _how old again?"_

"Oh honestly Ryo, you'd think you had never actually taken the class," Ueda laughed, and wormed away from Ryo as he tried to poke him. "Stop that!"

"Hey, can I sit here?"

Ryo looked up, and saw Tanaka standing infront of their table. He growled under his breath, but the other didn't seem to hear him.

"Of course," Ueda said, and smiled as he sat opposite him. Tanaka cast Ryo a glance, and to his surprise, bowed his head a little.  
Before Ryo knew it, Tatsuya was introducing them to each other. And he hated to admit it, but Tanaka actually seemed like a nice guy. All throughout lunch, he was making Ueda laugh, and Ryo knew he hadn't seen Ueda smile like that in a long time.

"Tatsuya, don't you have your music cl--"

"Ah, _shit_ ," Ueda cursed, cramming the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and rushing off. "Sorry!"

Ryo laughed, shaking his head. He felt eyes upon him, then, and looked up into Tanaka's own dark pair. "What?"

"I really like Tatsuya," he said, looking suddenly nervous.

"...and...?"

"Well...you two seem really close."

"Yes."

"You know what? Never mind. If you're gonna act like that--" Tanaka said, grabbing his things and standing up. Ryo didn't stop him as he walked away.

"Just because Tatsuya likes him, doesn't mean I have to," Ryo muttered to himself, watching Tanaka walk over to his friends.

 

>>><<<

 

Weeks passed, and Tanaka was still around. Ueda wouldn't talk incessantly about the other, but Ryo knew he wanted to. He was holding back because of him.

Sometimes Ryo hated himself. He saw the way Ueda's eyes lit up when Tanaka waved at him from across the hall; saw the way Ueda shivered as Tanaka whispered in his ear.

But he also saw the way Tanaka watched Ueda.

Sure, he had those soft moments where he smiled sweetly and played with Ueda's hair, looking as though he was the luckiest guy.

But then there were those other moments, where Ryo caught him looking at Ueda with eyes like a predator.

Ueda never noticed this, of course. He was too blind.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda loved movies. And he loved the fact that Koki had realised this.

Koki invited him over, to watch a few movies at his place. Ueda hadn't told Ryo this, of course, because he knew the other would flip out. It wasn't much, but it was still a date. And for some reason, Ryo didn't like Koki. Ueda couldn't figure out why.

He arrived at the apartment on Saturday. "Hey," Koki said, opening the door. "You're early."

"Mm. Sorry," Ueda replied, as Koki shushed him and ushered him inside. "Ah, thanks," he said, as Koki took his coat and hung it up, and he smiled, passing the other the food he had brought over.

"Ooh, yay," Koki murmured happily, smiling widely at Ueda before moving into the kitchen to start making the popcorn. "I'd completely forgotten about food."

Ueda laughed, and sat upon the couch. It was strange - Koki made him feel comfortable, unlike his past boyfriends. He always felt as though they were still strangers, but with Koki, it was different.

He looked up as the other came back into the room with a bowl, setting it on the table before collapsing onto the couch next to him. "Hi there," he said. Ueda grinned.

"What're we watching?"

"No idea. Something my brother found; said it was good," Koki explained, pressing buttons on the television remote. The television flickered to life. "I haven't seen it yet, though. I was waiting for today." Ueda's heart swelled.

The movie began, then, and Ueda reached over, bringing the bowl of popcorn between them. Koki grabbed the bowl again, resting it on his lap as he shuffled over closer to Ueda, whose heartrate increased considerably at the action. Ueda swallowed nervously.

The film was boring, and Ueda wasn't really concentrating on it anyway, not with the way Koki's thigh was pressing up against his own like that. His mind was going haywire; his heart would not stop beating harshly against his ribcage.

"You okay?" Koki asked suddenly, turning to Ueda with concern in his eyes. Ueda nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Alright then. Popcorn?" Koki held out the bowl, but Ueda shook his head. The movie didn't seem to be holding his interest, either, and he said so. "What about we do something else?"

"Like what?"

"...I have no idea." Koki switched the television off, stood up, and stretched. "What do you wanna do?"

"Nothing, really..."

"Hey! Could you help me with one of my assignments?"

Ueda stared. "What?"

"Okay - now that I've said it, it sounds weird," Koki laughed nervously, and scratched the back of his neck. "But I'm having troubles with my modern history class."

"I don't take modern history; I take ancient," Ueda said, eyebrows knitting together. "But I could take a look at it...?"

"Really? Thanks a bunch!" Koki said happily, and bounced off into another room to fetch his work. Suddenly, Ueda's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he fished it out.

_Hey idiot, you left your wallet here,_ it read. Ueda clicked his tongue and wrote back.

_No, I didn't, it's right here. Stop making up excuses to text me._

_I'm not making up excuses. You would probably have forgotten it at some time; I'm just trying to think ahead,_ was the response.

_I don't forget everything._

_You really do._

_Are you checking up on me during my date?_ Ueda asked.

_Maybe. Okay, gotta actually do work. Bye._

_Bye, Ryo. Love ya~_

_Yeah. Love you too._

"Stupid books being underneath everything else," Koki muttered, coming back out of his room with piles of books and loose-leaf paper in his arms. "Here we go," he said, dumping everything onto the table infront of them.

"That's a lot of books..." Ueda said, trailing off. "What're you studying?" he asked, searching through the books. Koki sat down next to him and unearthed a crumpled piece of paper.

"Marie Antoinette," he said, his voice heavily accented.

"Really?" Ueda asked, eyes lighting up. Koki nodded. "Awesome. Where are we starting from?"

Ueda and Koki worked for the rest of the afternoon, exchanging ideas and theories about the woman in question. Ueda had a surprisingly good time, searching through the thick history books for dates and locations and facts, and helping Koki understand everything they found. At first, Ueda had been worried, but Koki was as interested as he was, pulling out paper and scrawling down notes.

"She had a _what?_ "

"A-- uh, how do I explain this," Ueda muttered. "A place where she would go to pretend to be a peasant," Ueda continued, after Koki's blank look.

"She was insane."

"Not really - I think she just thought that the peasant lifestyle was something th-- Is that a spider?" Ueda asked, suddenly, pointing at the floor. Koki whipped around, searching for the so-called spider.

"Yeah, it is. Hang on," Koki said, picking up one of the text books.

"No!" Ueda shouted, grabbing onto the book. "You can't squash it with _that!"_

"...Huh?"

"Use a shoe or something," Ueda said, bringing the book closer. "You don't use books to kill things."

"Ah, you're one of those people, eh?" Koki asked, laughing as he went to find a shoe.

"What people?"

"Book people. The type that won't even let someone write in them..."

"You can't write in books, that's terrible!" Ueda said, smiling. "And stop teasing me!"

"Got one!" Koki shouted from another room, and suddenly reappeared, clutching at a worn old sneaker. "Ha, Mister Spider." Koki leapt forward, brandishing the shoe, and fell face-first into the couch. Ueda doubled over in laughter at Koki's slightly stunned face, holding his stomach.

"I think you missed it," Ueda wheezed, and Koki pulled him off the couch with a thump, and leapt back onto it. "Wha--"

"There. Now, you kill it, since you're already on the floor," Koki said, smirking.

"But--" Ueda was interrupted by Koki's sharp intake of breath, as he rested a hand on Koki's knee. "Are you alright?"

"Mm--" Koki managed to mutter, with his eyes scrunched up. Ueda looked up at him from the floor, wondering what was going on.

"Koki? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Ueda asked, wide-eyed.

"St-stop looking at me like that--" was all Koki said.

"What? What're you talking about?" Ueda looked about wildly, trying to figure out why Koki was acting so strange--

There. Ueda stared at the obvious bulge in Koki's pants with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Just-- just sit there," Koki breathed out. Ueda shook his head. He couldn't believe it.

"I'm-- I'm going to leave," Ueda muttered, before collecting his things. But Koki suddenly grabbed his wrist, and Ueda gave a cry as the other pulled him back to the floor by his feet. "Let go!"

"No," Koki said, leading Ueda's wrist up to his groin. "I can't take much more."

"Wha-- _Koki!_ Let me go!"

Ueda struggled as much as he could - he clawed at Koki's arm with his free hand until Koki's other hand clamped down upon it. He tried to kick the other, but it was too difficult in his position, and Koki wasn't letting him up any time soon. He even bit the other, sinking his teeth into the flesh of both his hand and his thigh - but that didn't help him at all, he realised belatedly, judging by the low moan the other issued.

"Oh God..." Ueda murmured, almost gagging as Koki forced his hand to rub against him. "Please stop--"

"Oh-- Tatsuya, you have _no idea_ how long I've b--" Koki cut himself off, throwing his head back in pleasure as he made Ueda's hand press down on him. Ueda choked back a sob, still fighting to get free. Koki's hips bucked up as he rubbed Ueda's hand over his clothed erection, ignoring Ueda's pleas. Ueda knew tears were running down his face, falling onto the floor as Ueda's wrist and hand burned from both Koki's grip and the denim it was being rubbed forcibly against.

"Ah--" Koki groaned, letting go of one of Ueda's hands, only to grab a hold of the back of his neck.

"N-no, please--" Ueda cried, as his head was being led towards Koki's body. He couldn't fight anymore; he was emotionally exhausted. His hand was still moving over the bulge, but it was soon removed. Koki held onto it, though, as he quickly unzipped his jeans and pulled his member out, causing Ueda to clench his eyes shut, his hands turning into fists. He felt Koki's body rock back and forth as he stroked himself, and suddenly there was a deep, guttural groan and warm - too warm - liquid on his face, in his hair.

He felt disgusting.

The room was full of Koki's pants and the sound of his zipper being done back up again. Ueda still hadn't opened his eyes. Koki slowly let go of Ueda's wrist, and the other didn't have to look to know that there would be bruises later.

Shakily, Ueda stood up, knees almost collapsing, but he caught himself in time. "I--" he started, but couldn't bring himself to speak to the other.

"I'm sorry," Koki said, voice all too loud in the quiet room. "I just-- I couldn't--"

"Shut up," Ueda turned, fire blazing in his eyes. "Leave me the fuck alone."

And he was running, stopping only at the back of an alley somewhere down the road. He slid down the wall, tears pooling once again in his eyes, and he curled into a ball, letting them fall. His phone buzzed again, and he fumbled a little with it as he flipped it open. Tears hit the display as he read the text.

_How is everything? No, I'm not checking up, I just want to know. I know that you--_

But whatever the rest of the text had said, Ueda didn't know, because he hurriedly dialed the number he knew off by heart.

_Please hurry, Ryo._

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda was curled up in the corner when Ryo found him. "Tatsu," Ryo whispered, seeing his matted hair and tear tracks painted on his face, "What on Earth _happened?"_

Ryo crouched down and reached out to him, but Ueda flinched back. "Come on, it's only me," Ryo murmured, and he felt Ueda relax. "It's only Ryo."

"Ryo," he whispered, and looked up at him, before collapsing into his arms, crying gently. All Ryo could do was pat his head and run his hand up and down his back as he listened to him cry, muttering words of condolence.

He eventually got Ueda standing, and quickly led him to his car. Ueda didn't speak a word until they got into the warmth of Ryo's apartment. Ryo led him to the couch, and went to fetch a towel.

He had never seen Ueda like this before. He had gone through so much with the other, but Ueda was never this depressed. Ryo was worried, definitely, and he wanted to know what had happened. He worried his lip as he passed the towel over to Ueda, who just looked at his knees.

"Come on, Tatsu," he said, sitting next to him. He sighed, and started to wipe Ueda's face carefully. His eyebrows knotted together as he realised that whatever had dried on his face and in his hair was not coming off. "Tatsu, what's this?" he asked softly, plucking at his hair.

Ueda sniffed. "Ryo, I--"

"Yeah?"

"I need a shower," he said quietly, averting his eyes and removing Ryo's hand. Ryo just watched worriedly as he walked to the bathroom by himself. At that moment, he looked so small, so delicate.

Suddenly, he realised what was in Ueda's hair, and he gasped, eyes flicking over to the closed bathroom door. But-- no, it couldn't be. Ryo stood up, and walked towards the bathroom slowly.

"Tatsu?" he called. "You alright in there?" No answer. He didn't really expect there to be. Ryo opened the door - luckily, the other hadn't locked it - and stepped into the bathroom. Ryo could just make out the silhouette of Ueda in the shower, standing unmoving under the hot water. He saw the way his shoulders were slumped; the way his head was bent; the way his hands turned into fists as the water washed away his tears.

Ueda barely even flinched as Ryo opened the shower door and stepped in behind him, still fully-clothed. All he said was, "It won't come out."

Ryo clicked his tongue and felt Ueda's eyes on him as he bent down, picking up a bottle of shampoo and pouring some into his hands. He lifted them to Ueda's wet hair, gently massaging his scalp. "This should help," he said quietly, blinking at the water droplets falling into his eyes.

Ueda's eyes bore into his own as he continued. Ryo smiled gently at him, trying to tell him that everything was okay now; that he was safe here. And this time, Ueda managed a small, almost invisible smile. Ryo's own widened. "That's my boy."

Ueda allowed Ryo to push him back under the water and rinse out the shampoo. He combed the copper hair with his fingers, breaking the knots. "Thankyou," Ueda whispered, and Ryo just smiled, continuing with what he was doing. Clumps of hair were stuck together, and he had to lift both hands up to carefully separate them. Ueda winced. "Ow."

"I can't help it, Tatsu - what the hell is in your hair?" Ryo asked, but Ueda just looked to the floor, confirming Ryo's suspicions. "Nevermind."

Ueda sighed, and Ryo started washing his face, the remnants of what had passed still evident on his skin. "I'm sorry," Ueda said quietly.

"What for?"

"For not believing you. For being an idiot, like I always am," Ueda murmured.

"Oh shut up, Tatsuya, you're not an idiot," Ryo said, "Rinse the soap off your face, will you?" Ueda nodded and turned into the spray of water. Ryo kept a hand on his shoulder as he washed his face, scared that the other may fall. "Come on, that's enough." He stepped out of the shower, dripping wet and with his clothes sticking to his skin.

Ryo reached for a towel, turning towards Ueda first, and started to wipe away the waterdrops on his body. Ueda just watched him, until Ryo turned red and threw the towel into his arms. "You can do the rest," he said, before grabbing another towel and rubbing his own hair dry.

"Thanks," Ueda said, realising suddenly that he was naked infront of Ryo. He covered himself with the towel as Ryo walked past, grabbing onto his arm and leading him into the bedroom.

Ryo clicked his tongue and shrugged out of his hastily-buttoned shirt, throwing it to the ground before searching through some of his drawers. Ueda cleared his throat. "Uh..." he started, and Ryo grunted, lifting out two long-sleeved sweatshirts.

"Here, put this on," he said, handing it to Ueda.

"Thankyou, Ryo," Ueda said, gratitude shining in his eyes. "I-I'm sorry--"

"Oh shut up and get dressed," Ryo muttered, but smiled, and turned to find some pants for the both of them. Ueda slipped on his shirt, and then the trackpants that Ryo passed to him, and turned around as Ryo did the same.

The two sat on the bed. "Do you want to tell me what happened, now?" Ryo tried again. Ueda avoided his eyes. "I think I've gotten the basics down, though."

Ueda nodded once, and explained to Ryo what had happened. "I was - am - so embarrassed, Ryo... what am I gonna do?" he asked, face reddening. "I'm so stupid..."

"You keep saying that, but you're amazing. Stop putting yourself down because you underestimated someone," Ryo said. Ueda looked at him, and smiled.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Come on, let's get some sleep," Ryo said, and lay down, Ueda following soon after. "You okay now?"

"Mmm. You called me 'Tatsu'. I always feel better when you do that," Ueda murmured, closing his eyes.

"I know," Ryo whispered back, content with just lying there next to the other. "That's why I do it."

 

>>><<<

 

Sometimes Ryo just wanted to wrap up Ueda, to keep him away from the world. He was too _nice,_ always befriending people he didn't even _know._ And he had told Ueda that, too, but it never really had an effect on the other.

This time, Ryo didn't have to say anything to him.

The next day at university, Ueda refused to walk into the foodhall. The two friends ate on the rooftop, and Ryo complained the entire time about the flies wanting to either steal his food or poop in it, and Ueda just smiled at him. But his smiles didn't really reach his eyes anymore.

Ueda had really trusted Koki; he had really liked him. And Koki had completely disrespected him - had completely _embarrassed_ him. He hadn't even wanted to come today, but Ryo had dragged him there, spouting nonsense about facing the problem.

They saw Koki whilst on the way to their history class, leaning against the wall and talking to his circle of friends. Ueda averted his eyes, and sped up his pace, trying to get to the classroom before the other noticed him. He wasn't that lucky.

"Hey, Tatsuya!" Koki called, running over before Ueda could disappear into the room.

"Don't pay attention to him," Ryo muttered, but Koki leapt infront of them.

"Wait-- Tatsuya, please - talk to me," he said, trying to look into Ueda's eyes.

"No, I don't want to - come on, Ryo," Ueda murmured, pushing past Koki.

"Please--" Koki said, grabbing onto Ueda's upper arm. Ueda froze in fear. "Come on, I told you I was sorry."

"Let go--"

"I didn't mean to-- I didn't mean to let it go that far," Koki continued, ignoring Ueda's panicked expression.

"Koki! Let my arm go!" Ueda shouted.

"Can't you hear him? He said to let him go!" Ryo roared, ripping Koki off Ueda's arm, and drawing Ueda behind him.

"Woah, calm down, I just wa--"

"Don't you ever come near him again," Ryo said, low and threatening. "Do you hear me?"

"Fine, whatever," Koki huffed, casting a final look at Ueda before calling his friends and leaving.

"Ryo... do you think we could skip history for today?" Ueda asked quietly, heartbeat racing.

"Huh? But you love history."

"I know, but... I don't feel like it today."

 

>>><<<

 

They found themselves back at Ryo's apartment, in his lounge room. "You okay?" Ryo asked, and Ueda nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't feel like any more classes," Ueda answered, nursing a cup of hot chocolate. Ryo didn't believe him, but he let it go, blowing on his own cup. "I was scared," Ueda said eventually.

"Hmm?"

"I was scared. I... when he grabbed me like that--"

"It's okay. Of course you'd be scared," Ryo murmured, sipping at his chocolate. Ueda's eyes flicked over to him.

"Could you help me?"

"Me? How?" Ryo asked, setting his cup down. Ueda did the same.

"I don't know. I thought that maybe you knew," Ueda confessed, laughing slightly. Ryo shook his head.

"Movie, then?" Ueda nodded, and Ryo turned on whatever was already in his DVD player.

A few minutes into the movie, Ueda realised that Ryo was sitting too close. His breathing sped up, and Ryo turned to him. "Are you alright?"

"Yep," Ueda said quickly. "Fine. I'm absolutely fine."

"Okay," Ryo said. But Ueda was not fine, he was panicking. What if Ryo took advantage of him like Koki had? He had trusted Koki, but he had done... _that._ What if Ryo did the same?

"I can't do this," Ueda muttered after a while, standing up and crossing his arms, as if that alone could protect him.

"Huh?" was all Ryo could say, looking up at the other. "Seriously, Tatsu - what's up?" he asked, getting up off the couch and moving towards him. Ueda flinched back. "What?"

"What-- How do I know you're different?"

"Huh?"

"How do I know that you're not going to do what Koki did?" Ueda asked, refusing to meet Ryo's gaze.

"Ueda Tatsuya, who the fuck do you think I am?" Ryo almost shouted. "You've known me your whole life; as if I would do something so... so... _disgusting!"_

"But--"

"Okay," Ryo said, in a calmer tone. "Okay. Here. I'll show you, then."

"What?"

Ryo ignored Ueda, choosing instead to take his leather jacket off, tossing it onto the couch. Ueda just watched as Ryo pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it onto the floor. He unzipped his pants, and Ueda could only stare as he threw them to the side, too. Ryo took a deep breath, before stepping out of his boxers, leaving him naked and vulnerable in front of Ueda.

"What're you--"

"See? I'm just Ryo. I'm not going to hurt you," Ryo said, trying to squash down the embarrassment he was feeling, being in this position. Ueda's eyes bore into him. He reached out, and Ueda let him take his hand, leading it to his body. Ueda's pale hand contrasted with his own dark skin.

Ryo held Ueda's wrist lightly, making his hand draw circles on his stomach. He soon drew his hand away, but Ueda lingered, stepping forward and pressing his other hand to Ryo's stomach, eyes focused on his task. Ryo watched the top of Ueda's head as his stomach tingled.

"This is-- uuh... embarrassing," Ueda murmured, laughing awkwardly. Ryo chuckled. "Yeah, well, you're not the one who's naked..."

Ueda looked thoughtful for a while, until he took his hands away. With shaking hands, he took his own shirt off, letting it fall to the floor. His pants were next, and then, slowly, his boxers. Ryo only watched on with wide eyes. "You don't--" he started, but Ueda shushed him.

Both of their hearts were racing. Now they were both naked infront of each other, faces flushed. "You don't have to be the only one uncomfortable," Ueda said. "Especially if it's for me."

"You're Ryo," Ueda whispered after a while, breath ghosting across Ryo's skin. Ryo could still hear the hesitation in his voice, though.

"What's wrong now? I'm standing here, naked. We both are."

"I don't know. I mean, I _know_ you're just Ryo," Ueda said. "I don't know what's wrong."

Ryo took Ueda's hand again, threading their fingers together, and lead it south. He felt Ueda tug lightly at his hand, but he kept going, until Ueda's hand was wrapped around his member. Ryo took a deep breath. "You can move away whenever you want to. I'm not making you do anything you don't want to, alright?" Ueda nodded, red in the face, but Ryo figured that he was faring the same.

Ryo felt a familiar pang in his stomach, and he clenched his eyes shut. Oh God, not now, he thought, but as he heard Ueda's breath catch, he knew. Why? Why _now?_

"Ryo?" Ueda called, but he kept his eyes tightly shut.

"Yeah?"

"Uh... y-- um..."

"It's okay, you can let go." He felt Ueda's eyes on him, and he opened his own. The other looked thoughtful. "What is it?" he asked, trying not to move.

"Nothing," Ueda said, before removing his hand slowly. Ryo let out the breath he had been holding. He was about to turn away, until he realised that Ueda was gazing at his half-hard member.

"What is it?" Ryo asked.

"You're Ryo," Ueda said, firmly. "He made me touch him; forced me to. But you didn't."

"Of course not."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

Ueda paused, and stared up at him. Ryo's heart thudded in his chest as he looked down into Ueda's eyes. His breathing quickened. "What?" Ueda whispered.

"You heard me," Ryo said back, and his stomach twisted. Why did he say that now, of all times?

"W--Why?"

"Because... because you're you. I don't know why; I just know that I do," Ryo murmured. Ueda was quiet, and Ryo looked up from the floor into Ueda's face. He looked thoughtful.

"Why me? Why not that girl down the hall, or that girl in history class who is always gi--"

"Ueda, shut up," Ryo said, laughing slightly. "I don't want that girl down the hall, or the one in history class." Ueda just looked at him, and Ryo turned red again.

"Kiss me, then," Ueda said suddenly. Ryo was taken aback.

"What? N-no, that's probably not the best idea right now, I mean, a few minutes ago you were freaking out--"

"If you love me," Ueda said, "then kiss me."

"But--"

"What?"

"But what if I hurt you?" Ryo asked, voice dropping. "What if you freak out again, and I won't get you back?"

Ueda watched him for a while, until he stepped forward and took Ryo's hands, pressing them onto his chest. "See? I'm Tatsu. It's just Tatsu, Ryo. I'm not going to flip out; I'm asking you."

Ryo sucked in a breath as his hands were led over Ueda's pale chest, until the other took his hands and put them around his waist. "Tatsu?" Ueda smiled, slightly unsure, and cupped Ryo's face in his hands. Ryo's stomach flipped again, but he knew what he had to do. "I can't."

Ueda's hands stayed where they were. "What?"

"I can't kiss you," Ryo sighed, even though he wanted to. He had wanted to kiss the other for years.

"Why?"

Ryo chuckled. "Why don't you sound disappointed?" Ueda looked at him. Ryo pulled him closer, and kissed him on his forehead. "One day. One day, I promise you, I will. But until then, you have to know that I love you, and I always have."

"You promise?"

"I promise, Tatsu."

 

\--the end 


End file.
